I wonder why he rather films my leg tattoo instead of the actual act of getting my chin over the bar :D oh well
Have you ever felt such overwhelming happiness and bliss and gratitude for your life?
I feel it a lot here, and I swear, this is a magical place (maybe just for me). The view from my balcony in the mornings and evenings, the light above the rolling hills, the many birds in the sky, it cracks my heart open every time and makes me feel endlessly happy and grateful for living this dream. This feels like home base. This is the place I want to live for the rest of my life.
So when I go traveling now, I will probably encounter many many other beautiful places, lush tropical beaches, jungles, cool cities. But THIS is my heart-home. Where I will always return to.
I am so grateful this morning. Blessed to the bone.
Photo found on Pinterest
When living and working in a yoga retreat center, chances are you are surrounded by 99.9 % women. Which can be lovely (women power! Female sacred sisterhood!) but it can also be a plain nightmare. Too many vaginas that all get in sync with their cycle - do I have to say more?
Common topics in our all-female kitchen are breast tenderness, men, pregnancy tests, lack of men, male genitals and how they compare to carrots, cucumbers and courgettes, female genitals and how they compare to ripe figs, men, the lack of men....
I don't quite believe this is just happening in our kitchen, I think it's a kitchen thing world-wide. Cooking has such sensual vibes to it, that it seems very natural to exchange about sex practices, favorite shags, and how long it has been since your last time. But in our kitchen the lack of men is sometimes overwhelming. I often catch myself glancing out of the window to see a hot dude from behind, getting all excited - until I realize it's our same old maintenance guy. Anything male catches our attention, and the few men that are actually working here, must be in absolute paradise.
They are surrounded by young beautiful women, many of them yoga chicks, in their teeny weeny yoga tops and leggings, lush hair, and bendy bodies, often topless at the pool.
It is no wonder that Spanish people think our yoga center is a cult, or a mystic heavenly place full of willing half-naked women. Somebody had told us just recently that he got asked by a Spanish mechanic from the neighbor town about the work here, and that he heard that there are lots of women running around naked on the lawn - no wonder he was asking if we had any open job positions.
Well, for a girl working here, especially one that is not a skinny super young yoga bunny, it can be a bit daunting at time, with all that female energy.
Our lovely shop keeper for example is taking it to the next level, by giving menstrual cycle workshops, and selling yoni eggs and vag necklaces in the shop. There is even a book where you can have a look at the different types of fannies that nature has ever produced.
Don't get me wrong, I think this all has it's place, and it is wonderful empowering women about their feminity and their yonis and all. But I even catch myself labeling leftover roasted vegetables as "Roast Vag".
Sometimes all you need is simply - cock!
Have you ever made that mad move, and changed something substantial in your life? Moved to another country, quit a job, left a partner, went on a long travel. Chances are you felt a bit uncomfortable at first. Change makes us feel insecure and quite fragile. Which is probably why I remember so well the first moments of any changes in my life, the first days at a new place.
I am a natural worrier (thanks genes) and a melancholic soul, so with changes comes always the feeling of missing what I had. Already before the big change I start feeling uneasy because suddenly I see all the good things in my life, ignoring the rest which made me want to change.
BUT here is the secret (probably not so much a secret at all): Change is good! 99.9 % of the time, changes are great. Yes, you lose some good things - but Newsflash! The world is full of other good things!!
For example, if I would have never left my first place in Spain where I lived and worked for 2 years and which I absolutely loved (especially since I was coming from grey Germany where I had hated 99.9 %), if I had never left (because I couldn't ignore my heart much longer who in the last months there was telling me something was rotten) - I would have never ended up in a much more beautiful place (where I live and work right now).
If I had never left my beloved cat in Italy (broke my heart but he is living with a good friend and has a fabulous life in the Italian countryside), I would have never lived in Malaysia, would have never met the amazing people I met, and would have never launched my own healthy food line.
Change is not always for the better, but usually there is something good, no matter what we do or where we go. The world is full of beauty.
And still, change feels uncomfortable. Which is why I advise everybody to still go for it. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway is the best way of growing, learning and becoming more resilient. And resilience is something we all need more. Because one thing in life is for sure - Change.
Nothing stays the same forever, loved ones leave or die, money comes and goes, and also you will change, get older and one day might get sick and, yes, you will die, too.
As funny as it sounds but the realization that we all gonna die one day, helped me immensely with my depression. Don't take life too seriously, Caroline. Nobody gets out of here alive.
This is why it is good to get used to change. You cannot hold onto anything anyway. Nothing really belongs to you. Not even this body and the air you are breathing.
What a freedom!
Some of my favorite quotes:
If you never say goodbye to the best things in your life, there are things you don't appreciate at all.
Once we commit ourselves to doing it, we change. We change ourselves from just sitting on the fence thinking about it to actually jumping in the field making a mad dash or a slow walk. When we get beyond that bend in the road, we see opportunities that we didn't see while sitting on the fence. We see opportunities that we couldn't have imagined.
Easy Choices, Hard Life. Hard Choices, Easy Life.
2 weeks ago we had our farewell party for Tamzin, my best friend here and flatmate of 1,5 years. We planned an epic party on our massive roof terrace and invited everybody we know (which basically means half the village). The afternoon before the party, we were busy bringing all the stuff up to the roof, chairs and cushions, food and drinks. We had a cable roll for the stereo, and then the door got slammed close from the wind, with the cable in between - and it was stuck!! Even though the key was in the lock, we couldn't open the door anymore, so we were locked outside in the staircase, 2 hours before the first guests would arrive. Since we were also in our underwear, all sweaty and dusty (since it was still bloody hot), we had a minor problem here. While I was contemplating letting myself down with my hammock hanging over the edge of the roof terrace and then á la Tarzan (or Jane) swinging myself over to our balcony, Tam luckily had her phone with her, so we called our emergency guy from the yoga center - our good soul whenever we are in need with broken cars, accidents or cats that needed feeding. But he was having a meeting and was not able to come soon! Last chance we had was to call one of Tamzin's new friends from the community yoga classes she teaches, a Spanish fireman from the village - who would be better to open a locked door??
He came immediately to help the (dusty, dirty and half-naked) damsels in distress, and was indeed able to open the door - what a hero! We quickly finished the last decoration and hopped under the shower, when the door bell rang - already!? Well, I guess we had mentioned something like we would start to party around 6 PM - but since nobody in Spain comes in time, we had expected the first guests earliest around 8! But no, I was still wrapped in my towel, and the first guest was at our door at 6:15 PM :) (Of course she was not Spanish, but French, and luckily she didn't mind waiting a bit until Tam and I were ready and made up.
It was a great evening and night, so many people and friends came, Tamzin had made an awesome playlist, and even better margaritas, and everybody had a great time. Then it was performance time. 2 friends of Suryalila were playing "Home" on Harmonium and Ukulele, and I had practiced a little piece on the guitar about my "chocho".
The night continued with more drinks, more music and more dancing (including limbo) until at 5 AM the police was standing at our roof terrace. While Tamzin just made a comment about the hilarious hair of one of the officers, they seriously took my ID number. But Prado being a party town, it was not really an issue.
The Monday after Tam and I went on a little vacation to the beach. Our new colleague at work owns an apartment in Benalmádena, directly at the beach, which she generously offered to us! Driving down to the coast it was raining! The first rain in ages! But that couldn't stop us. We sipped cocktails at the beach, and went from one happy hour to the next, until we danced at night along the beach making our way back to the apartment, hugging and screaming "I love my chocho!" (oh dear). The next day we had to get up at 7 AM because I had a super early appointment in Málaga to order me a new passport at the German embassy. My new passport photos, taken at the embassy, hungover, on an empty stomach, might not be the prettiest sight I will have to look at now every time I check in at an airport ;)
On the way back we visited the Stupa in Benalmadena and had a late lunch in Marbella before heading home - it was lovely.
Now Tamzin is gone, and the apartment feels very empty. I will miss her dearly, and can't wait to see my "chocho" again.